Rant #1

Sitting in my room waiting on my dad to pick me up. Jas checked into his second rehab treatment in two months yesterday and I am concerned that he will not ever make it, as some of us don't. His age plays such a huge part of things as many addicts don't find the path until they are aged in years of abusive nature. Jas is at least in part on the right path, as he is listening to someone rather than no one, which is a step in the right direction... As his sponsor I am conflicted with being fake so as to protect his abusive nature or be straight with him on my views such as medicine vs. rehab of an addict without medicine; these two are major contradictions... So many of the sponsors in the twelve step programs I cannot stand because their knowledge of dualism is faint. They are all of a way that is of one way, because they never heard the word of recovery preached by a healer but an addict just like them. I mean Bill W. and friends of Bill were just a bunch of drunks who couldn't stay from being annihilated on a binge all of the time... If their is a psychological type that the twelve steps can help it is this type of drunk or junkie. For the rest of those of us who use in somewhat moderate ways but are labeled by the system of non accountability (its the entire system of treatment, probate, and the prosecutorial) we are subject to abuse by those that make the rules, redefining our God given right to liberty and freedoms which are protected under the laws of this land. The remote flasher on my com system flashes repeatedly when I am in their company, and I cannot stand the innuendoes that are repeatedly murmured at every treatment team meeting statements ranging from suspicions of past behaviors to unfounded medical analysis disregarding all empirical data for a prognosis of reason to use a controlled substance. For those of us who have chemical imbalances we are in a constant battle with the administration over what drugs we can have and are accounted for in the proper treatment association that is governed from center to center and is based on mere speculation at times. Who will be the owner of me if not me; many I tell you will try. People don't understand that chemical imbalances are no different in medicine than diabetes and they line the hallways for their insulin shots to the point where I am late getting my meds passed to me everyday. Diabetics come first because if someone dies because of an imbalance of insulin someone's head will roll, and you can't die from ADHD. At the first inkling that you may be experiencing a different affect than is allowed in said program (usually an affect of opinion and voice of rights not rendered) they lay you out cold with whatever anti-psychotic they can easily prescribe due to the fact that it is the same exact anti psychotic that the rest of the patients were prescribed upon their arrival to the dual diagnostics program of choice. (There aren't many and they all are less than what a person would call acceptable on terms of fairness and diagnostic clarity). When the opinion of those that prosecute (lawyers and doctors alike) is heard an alcoholic or an addict is seen in exactly the same light as any other offender that may or may not ever be caught in the act. It is, personally speaking the most disgusting feeling and degrading of all disorders to have the pleasure of dwelling with because their is no cure but to believe a lie compiled onto another lie that is not only told by all jurists in general, all doctors and now low and behold the addict who is clean. A wise chief who suffered from addiction once said, "I already have one addict at the wheel, no thanks I don't need anymore help from any addicts. What I seek is an addict free life and all I am prescribed is counseling with another addict" "Bill Wilson was undoubtedly a genius far ahead of his time."